Foot Prints by the Swing

I was in the back yard last week and felt a great need to sit in the swing. To capture a moment of Arlene. We brought the swing she had on her front porch to El Paso. It was the only piece of her we needed. Arlene would wake up in the morning and sit on her swing and watch life pass by. When we lived across the street...the girls would wait for grandma and grandpa to go out on the swing because they would be able to run across the street and see them. There were many laughs on that swing. Many grandchildren sitting with Grandma as she sat there with them; listening to the wonderfully squeaky voices of her grandchildren. Songs were being sung, theater right before her eyes, games and just grandma rocking them to sleep. So many memories were created on the swing. So many peaceful times just being with someone.
As I sat there, I noticed footprints of someone else sitting there. Someone whose grief goes unnoticed at times. Someone who rested there probably thinking the same things. Grief looks different for everyone. But I know that when we all sit and remember her on that swing, we all remember the good.
This spring there will be flowers in bloom, some tomato plants within eye shot and maybe a few snap dragons. Things planted in the ground that we saw around that swing each year.
As time goes by, our grief will subside, but the swing will be a quick reminder of a fine lady we knew and loved.

Is it really true?

Is it really true that you love me no matter what I do?
Is it really true that you are with me through and through?
Is it really true that I can look to you?
Is it really true?

I am pondering these thoughts. I am leaving ministry for a time. A time to really reflect on why I do what I do.

So often I hear and even have said that God loves us no matter what we do. But I have yet to really believe that. Why? You wonder? Well because at the very moment I rest in that fact God loves me no matter what- someone says we need to "Do".

I think I will spend time finding out what the Lord says about this. Until then I think it is wise for me to "be" and not "do". I am not sure Americans really get what it is to be fully and completely loved by the Father. I see glimmers in people and that inspires me. For a time I need to see that in myself. I need to turn off the voices of guilt and discover the love I once had which was really the motivation for what I did.